As you will remember, Cara started a near riot at Rhinebeck.  Running around like a fiber-filled Revere "They’re running out of Socks that Rock, they’re running out of Socks that Rock! Dude." 

Being a good little sheep, I responded to the call to stampede and promptly and frantically purchased $120 worth of sock yarn.  In rockin colors.  You do know that I have only two feet?  Cara had us all in such a frenzy —– I felt rather like Elaine in that Seinfeld sponge worthy episode where she buys all the sponges in sight ……

It’s all good though.  I love knitting socks.  And this yarn is indeed gorgeous.

But wait —– there’s been a snafu.

Are you familiar with Cara’s close call?

How much yarn would you say was left over? 

From that picture it looks like a matter of inches.  And I don’t need to tell you ladies, do I?, that inches really do matter.  agonies and ecstasies can hinge on an inch. 

(of course, I’m using childbirth as a metaphor —– what were you thinking? you skanks!)

okay, back to our feet ladies, our feet.  Or my feet to be precise.

My feet are being slandered.  Is it not enough that I have to endure Kathleen coming over here and calling into question my toe bone?  Now Cara is so intent on defending the parsimonious yardage in her precious Socks that Rock that she is claiming if I run out of yarn it will be my own damn fault because of my ginormous feet.

I see right through her though.  She’s doesn’t really care about my feet.  She has her eye on a bigger prize.

Did you catch that part about being willing to take my StR skanks off my hands?

Perhaps that whole post with the kitchen scale was a ruse.  Imagine if you will ….. our little Cara is happily knitting away on her StR.  She is in love with the yarn, the colors are magnificent.  As she knits, she begins to experience buyer’s remorse.  Perhaps she should have bought more.  What about that one color she didn’t get?  Did Ann get that color?  What about Norma? and Vicki? and everyone else?  They all have colors that she didn’t buy.  What to do?  At midnight a plan begins to take shape in her feverish, phelgmy brain.  A plan so simple, so beautiful in its twisted way.  She needs to relieve the bloggers of their yarn. Just like the Grinch, she needs to convince us Whos that our tam-tuzzlers will not be sufficient to cover our pig-tigglies.  She is a very popular blogger though.  She cannot be seen as anything less than a friendly, creative knitter.  She needs to appear magnanimous in the process …….

she is starting another stampede.  This time a virtual stampede.  Not being content with buying half of all the StR at Rhinebeck, Cara is trying to convince us all that we will barely have enough, that it will be a close call, that we should consider all of our options…..

…..and that she will relieve us of this burden…..

we.must.stand.strong.

repeat after me ladies:  our feet are not too big.  our feet are not too big. our feet are not too big. 

even with the toe bone.

guess what pictures I loaded into my palm pilot today?

you’ll  never  guess

‘what fresh madness is this?’ you wonder.

I have an appointment with my favorite hairdresser in the whole wide world today.  She is going to turn me into Lara. 

I can hear you all muttering now about plastic surgeons and miracle workers ……

shut the hell up.

a girl can dream, can’t she?

A few nights ago, we went out to dinner with a bunch of other couples.  One of the women had just learned to knit and she was telling me about her first project – a scarf.  She was concerned she had done something wrong because ………. you are so going to pee your pants when you hear this…..

…………….because she had to attach another skank.   :)

A Handful of Sheet!!

The candidates:  Vicki, Norma, Cara & Kathleen …..

One thing is for sure —– it is not Kathleen.  She felt so terrible about having not delivered this package last week she was in something of a lather.  She left two messages on my machine regarding coming over yesterday.  No, it is not Kathleen —- she is a great knitter, but I wouldn’t think she is that great an actress.   Presumably, if it were her, she wouldn’t be so concerned about pissing herself off.

As for the other three, I cannot really say why I don’t think it is either Norma or Vicki.  Maybe it is because I am just positive it’s Cara.  And I am positive it’s Cara for a variety of reasons:

• she will deny this, but she actually sent me an email saying she was my secret pal.  I have tried to find this email, but AOL is failing me.  trust me.  she did this.  she was probably hepped up on those Junior Caramel things she has been popping.
• about a month ago – right around the time when Secret Pal Packages were on their way, she left a message on Vicki’s site about ‘being ready’.  It was all very mysterious.
• right after that message, I got a little something from Vicki’s return address, but signed by my secret pal.
• just yesterday, she left a comment on Kathleen’s site saying it was ‘good to hear’ from her.  Now, why would Kathleen be emailing and/or calling Cara? 
• I’ll tell you why —- to let her know she had delivered the package — that’s why!

and perhaps the single most telling reason of all …..

• she’s crazy – crazy enough to put herself through all of this extra trouble and enlist others in her demonic plan.

I rest my case.

Onto the pictures…… you want to see what she sent, don’t you?  That Cara is a great Secret Pal!  This package was all decked out for Halloween – complete with pumpkin Peeps (who knew?) and orange tissue paper.

a quick pic of Kathleen before my battery crapped out & festive package!  what the hell is Kathleen doing in that picture?

• pig socks – three pair!
• fact a day calendar – so I can torment you all next year!
• vibrating spider – now you know I’ve already got my vibrating needs covered  ;)
• sheepy magnet and little orange note pad
• what package is complete without some fibery goodness?  Ta-da!!  Cherry Tree Hill yarn!  it is lovely!  You may or may not be able to see in that lousy picture that Cara my Secret Pal has cleverly covered the price tag on the yarn label with a pansy sticker.  One would think, "A-HA!  It’s Vicki – she loves pansies!"   hold on for one hot minute –   not so quick.  My Secret Pal is a master of psychological warfare – this is reverse psychosis.  A very clever ploy, but you have to get up earlier in the day to fool me, that’s for sure.  nice try Cara.  do you really think that I think Vicki is stupid enough to put a pansy sticker on her secret pal packages?  where’d you get that sticker?  did you have Vicki send you one, or did you buy an entire packet of pansies stickers just for this one glorious moment?