In 1985 I graduated from college. Big things were about to happen in my life – within the next five years I would be married, have two children and bury my mother. Although I was 27 and a mother myself, I think we are all too young to lose our parents.
But in 1985 I had no way of knowing any of this. (except the marriage part, I had a hunch the Boar would pop the question). That Christmas, my mother gave me a copy of The Polar Express by Chris van Allsburg. She wrapped it up along with a silver jingle bell.
If you don’t own this book, you should. It is all about the magic, beauty and mystery of belief – the illustrations are gorgeous. Officially, it is childrens’ literature, but it is so much more than that.
Anyone who has lost a loved one understands the difficulties of the holidays. So much has been written and said on the subject that I won’t presume to say it any better. My own experience was that for many years it was extremely difficult. More difficult than I allowed myself to say. It did get incrementally easier as the years passed – did time mellow the edge? I really don’t know – people I speak with all have different experiences. For me one thing is true – having these memories helped.
Every year the bell hangs on my Christmas tree and the book is on my coffee table. This year I am looking forward to future Christmas tradition – The Polar Express movie. It often happens that I am disappointed by the movie after reading the book, and I do think Hollywood screws with the classics too much (witness The Grinch). That being said, I have seen the trailer for this movie and it looks fantastic …
purlingswine 
The title alone had the tear drops falling.
Oh Ann…that sounds lovely. Did you know you can ride the train too? It is done by a lottery system…we tried to do it in NH when we lived in MA. I know your girls are too old for it but it is supposed to be fabulous. Take care.
The Polar Express is one of my favorites. It was my default gift for all the young people who turned up on my Christmas list for several years. It is now ‘that special Christmas story'(as my oldest says) that my mom reads to her grandchildren at Christmas. I didn’t realize that a movie has been made of it.
Sniffle. I’m glad that a wonderful lasting memory you have with your mom is about something as wonderful as the polar express. Great book, we had it when the boys were small.
Last week, I picked up 90 minutes of old family 8 mm movies that I had transferred to DVD. From about 1958 to 1970 or so. I had previously transferred some to video, this is a different batch, that no one has viewed since the 70’s I’d say.
An endless chain of Christmas, Easter, Baptisms, Communions, Confirmations, graduations, birthday parties and trips to the beach. Of cousins tumbling around laughing in the sand and surf. Of proud parents dressing us up and taking us to church. Of grandparents, great aunts, and aunts and uncles who are already gone. I watched the dvd alone when I first got it and cried through most of it.
We were not a wealthy family, ever. We lived downstairs from my aunt and next door to my grandparents. We were surrounded always by family and love. Our gifts under the Christmas tree were often not very grand. We were always cherished and lavished with such abundant love. This glimpse into the past was a reminder to be thankful for the gift of so ordinary, and yet so wonderful a family.
just when i think i know you, another side is shown. You are one of my most favorite people. The polar express means alot to our family too, and we also keep the silver bell on our tree!X0X
Your Mom would be buying advance tickets and be first in line! I actually saw Dead Poet’s Society with your mom at Gateway Shopping Center. I can’t remember who else went but I will always remember it as the last movie I saw with her. The last time I saw your mom was in April 1990 before I moved to Germany. I would be leaving in a day or two and your mom called and asked me to stop over the house for a chat. She loved to TALK! LOL. We talked about everything including the German Sailors. She was still trying to get me to tell her what Volker had written to me. LOL. I am so glad that we had that time together alone just the two of us. I now have that kitchen table and will treasure it always. Love, Jane
Ah, well. I lost my dad on December 22, 1959. I was 18. It never goes away. I’m glad that you have such clear memories and a talisman to remember her by.
The Polar Express holds a special place in many of our hearts. I still have my Mom, but things have been strained the way life can do that with ‘family’. I invited her to go with me to see The Polar Express on November 10th. I can’t wait to have my date with my Mom. Thanks Ann! You are an extra special person.