In lieu of a regularly scheduled knitting entry — I have been working on some bunnies, who are felting in the washer as we speak — I give you an email that I just sent to Vicki.  She and I have been emailing regarding our upcoming Smoke Out.  Here it is:

I know that I should work in a practical manner toward the quit date, but that’s not happening!  Although I should say that I am not in an all out smoke-fest over here.  I am smoking the same amount, but puffing on each one a little longer.
Quitnet sent an interesting tip today ….. I wonder if we get the same ones?
    What are your fears about quitting smoking? Put them down on paper and take a look at         them. Maybe you didn’t even know that these fears were lingering in your mind, keeping you from trying to quit. Are you afraid you’ll lose certain friends, or lose an image you think smoking gives you? Be honest with yourself and you may find you’re better able to think about seriously trying to quit.

At first glance, I didn’t think much of today’s Quitnet wisdom.  But I have been thinking about it and am coming up with some interesting reactions — ones that make no sense and I am almost embarrassed to say out loud! 

I have become such a tool of the media/marketing of cigs — I do like the image it gives me!  I do like being part of a fringe group.  I do like people thinking that I don’t look like I smoke – I want them to think I have a deep, murky, dangerous side!! 

I am a 42 year old, overweight housewife.  I do not have a dangerous side.  I have no wild past — I grew up in a two parent household, I had a wonderful childhood.  I got good grades.  I went to college.  I got married.  I had children.

That is it!  No almost falling out of society due to drug use — even my experimentation was well controlled and at the time, I thought well thought out!  No really wild nights. 

I am boring Vicki!!  I don’t want to read the story of my life — it’s a yawner! 

So to answer Quitnet’s question – I do like to have a smoker’s image — it signals to the world that maybe I am not always willing to do the right thing.

**Dear Reader, please do not leave me any comments regarding my true image as an asshole flirting with lung cancer and a myriad of other diseases.  This is a gut reaction type of post!

6 thoughts on “

  1. I understand what you are saying. But you will still be cool–very cool–much cooler when you quit. ‘Cause you will be able to say you were a smoker for X years but you quit!

  2. So you just need to replace it with some other dark, countercultural thing. I am as boring as you. Perhaps moreso, and I’ve never smoked gotten wildly drunk or done drugs.

    What’s countercultural about me? I guess it’s the two engineering degrees. Or maybe it’s the slightly risque felted animals…..I can school you to partake of that particular quirk.

  3. sweetie, im no therapist, but You are the coolest chick I know. I felt that way BEFORE i knew you smoked….attitude,attitude,attitude

  4. Joanne and Bumble have it right on the head. You need to replace it with something else that might indicate danger. I think it’s time for a tattoo, Anne. Wait! Before you completely veto that idea, let me tell you that I have three of them in places rarely seen by anyone else. I can appear to be respectable if I choose, but if not, there they are! And none in terribly personal places, I might add: one on my lower back, one all the way around my right thigh, and one above my right knee.

  5. Very deep girlie…very soul searching. There will be no void in your life without them because you lead a very full, satisfying life. Your glass is always half full, never half empty.

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