when people discover that I have a blog and that I knit and that I spin, they tell me I have too much time on your hands.

well, take this you bastards!

I’m loaded baby!

[via Rose Kim Knits]

As you will remember, Cara started a near riot at Rhinebeck.  Running around like a fiber-filled Revere "They’re running out of Socks that Rock, they’re running out of Socks that Rock! Dude." 

Being a good little sheep, I responded to the call to stampede and promptly and frantically purchased $120 worth of sock yarn.  In rockin colors.  You do know that I have only two feet?  Cara had us all in such a frenzy —– I felt rather like Elaine in that Seinfeld sponge worthy episode where she buys all the sponges in sight ……

It’s all good though.  I love knitting socks.  And this yarn is indeed gorgeous.

But wait —– there’s been a snafu.

Are you familiar with Cara’s close call?

How much yarn would you say was left over? 

From that picture it looks like a matter of inches.  And I don’t need to tell you ladies, do I?, that inches really do matter.  agonies and ecstasies can hinge on an inch. 

(of course, I’m using childbirth as a metaphor —– what were you thinking? you skanks!)

okay, back to our feet ladies, our feet.  Or my feet to be precise.

My feet are being slandered.  Is it not enough that I have to endure Kathleen coming over here and calling into question my toe bone?  Now Cara is so intent on defending the parsimonious yardage in her precious Socks that Rock that she is claiming if I run out of yarn it will be my own damn fault because of my ginormous feet.

I see right through her though.  She’s doesn’t really care about my feet.  She has her eye on a bigger prize.

Did you catch that part about being willing to take my StR skanks off my hands?

Perhaps that whole post with the kitchen scale was a ruse.  Imagine if you will ….. our little Cara is happily knitting away on her StR.  She is in love with the yarn, the colors are magnificent.  As she knits, she begins to experience buyer’s remorse.  Perhaps she should have bought more.  What about that one color she didn’t get?  Did Ann get that color?  What about Norma? and Vicki? and everyone else?  They all have colors that she didn’t buy.  What to do?  At midnight a plan begins to take shape in her feverish, phelgmy brain.  A plan so simple, so beautiful in its twisted way.  She needs to relieve the bloggers of their yarn. Just like the Grinch, she needs to convince us Whos that our tam-tuzzlers will not be sufficient to cover our pig-tigglies.  She is a very popular blogger though.  She cannot be seen as anything less than a friendly, creative knitter.  She needs to appear magnanimous in the process …….

she is starting another stampede.  This time a virtual stampede.  Not being content with buying half of all the StR at Rhinebeck, Cara is trying to convince us all that we will barely have enough, that it will be a close call, that we should consider all of our options…..

…..and that she will relieve us of this burden…..

we.must.stand.strong.

repeat after me ladies:  our feet are not too big.  our feet are not too big. our feet are not too big. 

even with the toe bone.

guess what pictures I loaded into my palm pilot today?

you’ll  never  guess

‘what fresh madness is this?’ you wonder.

I have an appointment with my favorite hairdresser in the whole wide world today.  She is going to turn me into Lara. 

I can hear you all muttering now about plastic surgeons and miracle workers ……

shut the hell up.

a girl can dream, can’t she?

A few nights ago, we went out to dinner with a bunch of other couples.  One of the women had just learned to knit and she was telling me about her first project – a scarf.  She was concerned she had done something wrong because ………. you are so going to pee your pants when you hear this…..

…………….because she had to attach another skank.   :)