Mother issues are on the agenda. It’s time to deal with the universal archetype of the mother as well as your own personal experience with having one or being one. Most importantly, learn to mother yourself.
That is my horoscope for today. And it just so happens or actually, not just so – the horoscope people would have you believe that it is most definitely not a coincidence that lots of motherish things have been on my mind these days.
- Over this past weekend, a young man from our local high school was killed in a senseless driving accident. It was late at night, he was in a brand new sporty machine and high speeds and wet roads don’t mix. Thankfully he was alone in the car. I did not know this boy. I do not know his mother. I can’t stop thinking about her.
- Last night my friend took her gigantic, football playing boy/man to the ER with a very high fever. When I spoke with her, the fever was on its way down and they were leaning toward thinking it was viral and not his appendix. He will be fine. She will be fine. But in one quick instant he became not this teenager on the doorstep of adulthood, but reverted to the little boy we all remember.
- My teenager on the doorstep of adulthood is coming home today. D#1 has a long weekend after this past midterm week. D#1 still loves college life. However, sophomore year is not the fun-fest that freshmen year was (which is a good thing!). She is tired. She is re-assessing her planned major. She has been struggling. Her intention was to double major in education & math. Some grinding calc classes are making her rethink. Which is also a good thing.
And since some of you do enjoy the knitting, here is an Icarus update: I am not enlarging it. Because it is already significantly bigger.
I am using Blue Sky Alpaca Alpace/Silk and it is a sport weight. The pattern is written for a lace weight yarn. When Cara was here she brought her Seraphim Shawl. This is also written by Mim and is also a mostly stockinette stitch shawl with a lace border. Figuring the proportion of lace to stockinette would be roughly the same in both shawls, I decided to compare their center lines. Mine was at the point where the stockinette ends and the lace work begins. The Seraphim and Icarrus center lines were exactly the same length. And mine is not blocked. Since I am using bigger yarn, my lace section will be bigger and the blocking process will add considerably to the overall size. I will also tell you that there were some yarn concerns in the decision as well. (although I would have made the same decision without them) Fingers crossed that I have enough!
All I can say is, being a mother is one of the scariest, most fun, heart-wrenching, inspired and inspiring, maddening, rewarding, painful, frustrating, happy, sad, satisfying things I’ve ever done. And it’s many more things, too. I have renewed appreciation for mothers — past, present and future — almost every day, and draw my strength from those mothers and women. I think that thinking about them is one of the ways that I “mother myself.”
Oh, now I need to hug someone! ((you))
Why do I feel compelled to say, “if it’s not one thing, it’s your mother”?
Ah, another sign that you and I, we are simpatico. I’ve been doing a lot of motherthinking lately, too. In fact, I went to my mother’s house the other day and STOLE BACK two knits I’d made for her to photograph and blog about because she NEVER WEARS THEM. Maybe I’ll just keep them.
Do mothering issues ever go away. Remember the mother yourself part (which might be a good reason for Rhinebeck!).
Your rational on the shawl sounds good to me!
I met just one person who was a math /education major in a school known for its education program (Simmons College), and I have to say that it is a double major that is not always supported as well as it should be. Which is sad because we really need fabulous math teachers, but the way most education majors are set up you do not have to take all that much math to teach math. A great, really enthusiastic math teacher in my early education is totally the reason I am in grad school for engineering right now. (Thanks Mr. Shehan!)
Motherhood does have its ups and downs. ;) I deeply feel for parents who lose their children. One of the most unnatural things in life. That’s something that happens here a lot. Every week, another car accident. *fingers crossed*!
Wow, I haven’t commented here in a while, but I really love this post. You’re kind of highlighting some of the painful parts of mothering here; the ones that just grab you and you can’t get away. I’d say it’s worth it, but man, it can hurt. Even vicariously, like in your first example.
I have been reading, just not talking. I look forward to your Icarus FO pictures. I haven’t done any of Miriam’s patterns (yet), but I really think they’re beautiful and I love looking at them.
all i know is you’re a great mama even if you are a bull digger :)
The mothering thing: joyous, fun, painful, distressing, worrisome, joyful, fun, etc. Losing a child of any age is a mother’s worst nightmare. I am the world’s absolutely least worry-prone or protective mother, but when I got an e-mail last year from my 20-yo son (spending his semester abroad in South Africa) saying that he had been held up at knife point in Durban, I had to go pace and fret for a bit before I was able to respond. My heart bleeds for the parent who loses a child.
There is more yarn where that came from though, right? I hope you have a wonderful weekend and hug your girls tight. Thanks again for the tremendous laugh this morning. It was better than…anything. It really made my day. You are a nut and I love you for it.
I absolutely love being a mother but it is always a worry. You feel your child’s pain along with the joys. My 83 year old mother says this never goes away. The loss of a child would be hell. I try to remind myself that they are healthy, and not to let the small stuff worry me as much .