I like to go swimmin with bowlegged women……

when you are knitting, do you ever pause in your work and scratch yourself with your needle?

your head!  good grief people!

well, I am here to tell you   Knock it Off!!

Last week, I had my usual hair appointment.  Not only is Luanne a hairdresser extrodinarre, but she is a friend too – which means we can speak to each other in a certain way.  When Luanne noticed the gigantic red lump on my head she said —- "WTF??!!"  and then freaked me out with crazy talk about ringworm.  eeeeewwwwww!  Of course, I had noticed this lump.  I had wondered about it mildly and had scratched at it with my knitting needle!

I came home with a great cut and color, but a wicked case of the heeby geebies.  I called and made a Dr’s appointment and proceeded to look at my lump in every mirror in our house and show my lump to anyone who would look at it.  The reaction was one of universal horror. I spent the next couple of days trying not to touch up, but being perversly unable to.

I looked up ringworm on the computer —– eeeewwwww, does it look like that?  check every mirror again ……. well, maybe…….. as a way of trying to make me feel better and divert my attention, Boar said maybe it was cancer.  (I love him, but he’s a moron).  My former best-friend-in-the-world-for-as-long-as-I’ve-lived said that finally my horns were emerging.  biatch.

While waiting for the dr’s appointment, I cleverly managed to also get a head cold so I could present a complete picture of miserable health.  So there you have me in the dr’s office with the whole pi shawl and unnoticed socks.

On Monday the Dr. said she thought it was a wart and that I should see a dermatologist.  Slightly better than ringworm, but still a big eeeewwwww.  How the hell did I get a head wart?  I have never even heard of such a thing!!

I saw the dermatologist on Tuesday.  I have never been to a dermatologist before.  This one seemed very competent, but a bit at a loss for words.  She took one look and said I had a keratosis.

To me, this sounds highly terrible and I say, what is that??

she hmmms and haws, says it’s nothing, just a common thing as we age …..

I said – are you telling me I have a barnacle????

and she said – pretty much.

I’ve been scraped – and put into dry dock.

wonder what the gyno will find —- probably a vast expanse of moss or something…… mushrooms perhaps?

13 thoughts on “I like to go swimmin with bowlegged women……

  1. It is pretty funny, Ann. A barnacle? Great, another thing to look forward to now that I’m 40. Blech! I’m glad and relieved, though, that it’s nothing serious.

  2. I can just hear you in the doctor’s office. I think I have a barnacle or two, myself, though thanks for a slightly different way of looking at them.

    I often use long, straight needles and, I have to say, they make terrific back-scratchers. ; ) Just normal, little itchies; I don’t think I have any barnacles back there.

  3. I still don’t know what a barnacle is, but your post was damned funny … I do, however, scratch my head with my knitting needle … *taking mental note to stop that* …


  4. Oh, but if you look at that link, you can at least be glad it wasn’t SENILE keratosis. That makes it sound sooooo much worse.

    Can we call you Barnacle Bill for while? Please?

  5. Arrr! My grandma used to make me look at her kerawhatsises. She’d screech at me and then I’d go eeuuw and part the blue hair with the pointy end of a rat tail comb to do my duty and look at it, and I’d say, it’s another one of those brown things (shuddering).

    Just another heartwarming childhood story.

    Oh and thanks for sharing. xxo Kay

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