incredibly insensitive jokes

My dear friend Claire believes that I post too many Italian jokes. So she has sent along these doozies.

For the record, I would like to point out not only am I married to an Italian and have spawned two Italians, that my romantic past is littered with the broken hearts of Italian darlings. oooo, Claire Dear, is it offensive to say littered when Italian hearts are at stake? and Cara & Jen, you know that when I say littered, I am speaking metaphorically?? I threw their love away like so many pretzel crumbs out the car window! sure and begorrah, I love me some good Italian!

Also, I made some Jaywalker progress but then got kicked to the curb and had to rip, so jokes are all I got!

All we ever hear are Jewish jokes, so here are some Gentile jokes:

A Gentile goes into a clothing store and says,”This
is a very fine jacket. How much is it?”
The salesman says, “It’s $500.”
The Gentile says, “OK, I’ll take it.”

Two Gentiles meet on the street.
The first one says,”You own your own business, don’t you? How’s it going?”
The other Gentile says, “Just great! Thanks for asking!”

Two Gentile mothers meet on the street and start talking about children.
Gentile mother 1 (said with pride): “My son is a construction worker!”
Gentile mother 2 (said with more pride): “My son is a truck driver!”

A gentile man calls his mother and says, “Mother, I know you’re expecting me for dinner this evening,
but something important has come up and I can’t make it.”
His mother says, “OK.”

A Gentile couple goes to a nice restaurant.
The man says: “I’ll have the steak and a baked potato, and my wife will have the julienne salad with house
dressing. We’ll both have coffee.”

The waiter says, “How would you like your steak and salad prepared?”
The man says, “I’d like the steak medium……the salad is fine as is.”
The waiter says, ” Thank you.”

A Gentile man calls his elderly mother.
He asks, ” Mom, how are you feeling? Do you need anything?”
She says, “I’m feeling fine, and I don’t need anything. Thanks for calling.”

not politically correct

CAROLS FOR THE PSYCHIATRICALLY CHALLENGED

  • Schizophrenia Do I Hear What I Hear?
  • Multiple Personality Disorder We Three Queens Disoriented Are
  • Amnesia I don’t know if I’ll be Home for Christmas
  • Narcissistic Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
  • Manic Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and……
  • Paranoid Santa Claus is coming to Get Me
  • Borderline Personality Disorder Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
  • Personality Disorder You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll tell You Why
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ,Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells
  • Agoraphobia I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day But Wouldn’t Leave My House
  • Senile Dementia Walking in a Winter Wonderland Miles From My House In My Slippers and Robe
  • Oppositional Defiant Disorder I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus So I Burned Down the House
  • Social Anxiety Disorder Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas While I Sit Here and Hyperventilate

[via Claire]